Funnies, Yarnstrosity

You look so good…

You know how some people will tell others that they are so attractive, or have such an amazing figure that they would look good “wearing a sack”? Well now you make this compliment a reality thanks to Debbie Bliss.

I think the baby-poo brown just adds to the shoot-me-now tedium that this one looks to knit. And I reckon the model has just spotted the person who made her wear it too.

Funnies, Geek, Shopping

Giant Cardboard Robot Arms

Would you like to have giant robot arms with which to crush your enemies? Okay, that’s a dumb question. Of course you would! Etsy seller giantcardboardrobots makes them:

Each arm is approximately 5′ 6″ in length (about 3 feet longer from where your hands will grab), 9″ x 9″ in width. The arms allow for both 90° bending motion in the elbows as well as 360° rotation of the wrist. The arms break down into easily assembled component parts. Disassembled, both arms fit into a 30″ x 18″ x 6″ box.

Funnies, Geek

A joke for math geeks

This is a bit of an in-joke for the geek mathematicians out there:

Einmal besuchte der britische Mathematiker Godfrey Harold Hardy seinen indischen Kollegen Srinivasa Ramanujan im Krankenhaus. Kaum hatte er das Zimmer seines Freundes betreten, teilte Hardy diesem mit, er sei mit dem Taxi Nummer 58008 gekommen, was ja wohl »eine nichtssagende Zahl« sei. »Nein, Hardy«, erwiderte Ramanujan, »es ist eine sehr interessante Zahl. Wenn man sie nämlich in einen Taschenrechner eintippt und diesen dann umdreht, erscheint das Wort ›Boobs‹.«
Darüber lachten die beiden Herren noch eine schöne Weile.

For those who aren’t so familiar with the Hardy-Ramanujan Number, read the first quote on this page.

Funnies

How to give your pet a pill

I’m reminded today of this genius piece and thought I’d share it with you all:

How to Give Your Cat a Pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check the label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for the date of last tetanus jab. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid the cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat’s paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect devil cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. ….

How to Give Your Dog a Pill
1. Wrap pill in bacon.

2. Make him beg.

Funnies, Geek

Emotional Suffering or Will I be Erased?!?

Regular readers will be aware of my constant struggle against those who don’t know their own email address so use mine instead.

Yesterday I responded to two emails, one offering herbal products for dogs in Sweden and the other a group update from Estonia.

Today I received these responses – and I feel I should share the joy of the Google translations for them.

From Estonia
palun vabandust
saadetis oli mõeldud teisele Kerstile
Edaspidi püüan tähelepanelikum olla ja aadressiga mitte eksida
Kui kirjaga kaasnesid hingelised kannatused, siis on mul sellest eriti kahju

I apologize
The package was intended for another Kersti
Thereafter I try to be attentive and not the wrong address
If the letter was accompanied by emotional suffering, then I have this particular injury

From Sweden

No original – I assume they used Google to translate – several points for doing the work for me!

Sorry, only send information to thoose who have had someting to do with us – ordered something or just a tast portion.
If you have not, then seems as someone else has used your e-mail as you have received this mail.
I will check and erase you.
Best regards and have a nice Eastern.

Funnies, Geek

Half Price iPads

If you are interested in getting an iPad I can get hold of them through a contact. The numbers are limited and he has 20 iPads going for less than half price – it’s first come first served.

He has already sold one (pic is attached below so you can see what you are getting – they are from a cancelled Health Services contract due to the cutbacks.) Get back to me as quick as you can if you want one.

Click here to see