There’s been a bit of a minor outcry this last week here in the UK when a local celebrity, Nick Knowles and his second wife Jessica announced in a magazine that they were a)pregnant and that b)Nick would not be at his wife’s bedside when their son is born in August. Jessica is quoted as saying that she would prefer her husband not to see her in such a “vulnerable state”.
To be fair, the couple have discussed it between themselves. Nick was at the birth of 2 of his children from his previous marriage so he’s seen it all so to speak and will be just outside the room. If this is indeed the wish of Jessica then it’s very good of him to respect that and I applaud the couple for making up their own mind about what is right for them. At the end of the day it’s about what is right for them.
On the heels of this I’ve also read that Gordon Ramsey was not at the birth of any of his 4 children because he apparently feared it would turn him off his wife and has spoken about that repeatedly.
However, personally I’m baffled. In my most vulnerable state with various medical persons coming in and out there’s noone I would want near me as much as my husband. With Katja he was the one person I could focus on, the one person who knew when it was too much for me and it was his voice saying that she’d crowned that gave me the strength for those last pushes – I barely remember the other voices, they were background noise and I couldn’t even tell you how many other people were in the room at that precise time.
The reactions I’ve seen to the Knowles story are fairly predictable –
- He was there at the conception he should be there at the birth
- She shouldn’t deny him the opportunity to see his child born
- I’m sure she doesn’t want to be there either
However, I think they’re missing what I see as the main point here – to NOT want to be seen at our most vulnerable by the one man who loves you as much as your own father* would be a very sad state to be in. There are plenty of other medical situations that leave you equally vulnerable, would she want him to not be there then?
And as for the Ramsay thing, well I’d be quite concerned if I were with someone who expressed those sentiments that as soon as I got a couple of wrinkles or some grey hair that I’d be traded in for a younger model. What kind of security can his wife have with a husband like that?
What about you? Would you want your partner in the room with you or not?
* assuming a normal, healthy father-daughter relationship here. If you don’t have that then your husband should love you more than your father! Otherwise, why marry the man?