OK, I’m going to fully blame my mum for this one – she sent them to me, so it’s all her fault, nothing to do with me at all…
Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they’re practicing to be men.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One – he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. Or 3 – One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women…
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs, and diamonds.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals."